Monday, April 26, 2010
I confess. I have been guilty of some serious blog neglect here. My only defense is that I am busy (and very sick) walking the pro-life talk. I'm pregnant for the 7th time (my 6th ended in miscarriage) and even though I've finally entered the 2nd trimester, I continue to be very sick.
I keep wondering what the problem is. Is my body chemistry out of whack? Do I have some underlying illness? My SIL thinks I'm having twins. Twins? I'm on Zofran and it's really only taking the edge off. I asked my midwife: "What's wrong with me?" She said, "Nothing dear, you just have a healthy pregnancy."
Oh, if only I could bypass pregnancy and just have the baby! Come to think of it, I'd rather bypass labor, too. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want to go through childbirth. I'm uncomfortable, sick and exhausted.
This really is the point where I can see into the mind and heart of the pro-aborts. I used to be one before I became a mother. And now that I'm a mother, I know the pain of a mother's sacrifice. I certainly will never minimize another's. I also know that it's not all about me. This is 100% my pregnancy. But I cannot claim any percentage of my child's life. It is all his or hers. There is no natural right that I have to shorten that life. There is however a moral obligation as a mother to care for and protect my child.
I am suffering. I am weary. And I am guilty. Guilty of many acts of selfishness. But this child is bathed in innocence. And will not suffer for my guilt. My reward for protecting the life of my child will be the unspeakable joy that he or she will bring to my mother's heart and the satisfaction of having given the best (and yes, the worst) of myself for their well-being.
The blog is lagging because of my current struggle. I hope you all hang in there and overlook my lapse. I'm guilty. But I'm very busy growing innocence.